365 Days

When you see ‘365 days’ what comes to mind? Possibly the countdown from one birthday to another; a countdown between an annual family vacation; or it may be the amount of days before you get your promotion.

 

When I think of 365 days it reminds me of the 180 degree turn I have taken in the past year. It was literally a year ago at this time that I miscarried our third child. If you have ever been around me (before being pregnant), you know that I am not overly emotional. Well, I can honestly say that a year ago at this time was the saddest, lowest time in my life. I did not understand why God would grant us a child and then take him/her away from us so quickly. Nothing could replace the child that was/is ours and nothing could make me feel better. Or so I thought. I am confident that the people God placed in my life carried me through that difficult time. The verses I read and the friends and family who surrounded me gave me a glimmer of hope; a hope in God’s promises and His faithfulness. It was that glimmer of hope that gave me the strength to keep carrying on and trusting His timing.

 

I don’t tell you that to make you feel bad or feel sorry for me. I tell you that with an authentic heart, because I know many of you have gone through a similar situation; whether it is the loss of a job, house, spouse, friend, etc. All losses require a special level of trust and understanding. The loss we endured last spring led us to the greatest blessing we have been granted thus far: two growing girls inside of meJ

 

There is a song that I have heard numerous times that triggers my emotions whenever it rings in my ears: Blessings, by Laura Story. It dawned on me recently that the meaning behind this song fits into our four year fertility journey.

 

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

I thought he was ‘punishing’ us by not giving us what we wanted. In reality, His LOVE is all I needed.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

According to dictionary.com, the definition of mercy is an act of kindness, compassion, or favor. Even though it was painful and frustrating to go through the ‘trial of waiting’ he has shown us compassion and favor by blessing us with growing twins!

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

 

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Clinging to His word and those around me helped me realize that I would one day be a mommy.

Psalm 36: 5 Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

Realizing daily that this life and all the joys and struggles that go along with it are merely a blink of the eye – compared to what awaits forever in eternity with our King.

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

 

So what does your ‘365 days’ look like? What trial or blessing are you living in right now? Have you been shown mercy? In 365 days the Lord took my shaken, scared, and doubtful heart and turned it into a heart of pure joy. Wherever you are today I pray that you can find hope in God’s faithfulness.  

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as a shield.

 

 

Updated photo of one week of growth! Week 28 to week 29! Truly blessed.