What if...

What if you asked for a red convertible for your 16^th birthday, and you got it? What if you asked for the lead role in the school play and the drama coach gave it to you? What if you asked God to bless you with a million dollars, and you received it on your doorstep? What if you asked for an all expense paid trip to Hawaii, and it became reality? These are fun scenarios to think about, but what happens when you insert a prayer you have been praying about for a long time, and what if……God answers it in a way that breaks your heart? What if you never find the ‘right’ life mate? What if you never do get out of debt? What if your lost child never does come back to Christ? What if you are never able to have your own child/ren?

What if you decide to surrender everything to the Lord, no matter what?

Since Kerrie Roberts released her song, No Matter What in 2010, I have listened to it multiple times. Each time I get the same feeling: trusting and surrendering.

 

No Matter What by: Kerrie Roberts

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,



No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.



When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,



No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.



Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You



No matter what I’m gonna still love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQyXltkrzn8

You see, Kerrie says it best – I need to trust God with my life and my circumstances no matter what He throws at me. The line that I have talked to Cole about on numerous occasions is, “Anything I don’t have you can give it to me, but it’s ok if you don’t.” When I step outside of fleshly/earthly desires and wants, I realize that I have everything I need in my relationship with the Lord. So, if He does not grant us our desire to have a child, we understand and believe that HE is enough. Some days are easier than others to ‘own’ that statement. But, when it comes down to it, I am blessed with what the Lord has given me in His son going to the cross for me.

In reflection of trusting, surrendering, and understanding God’s love, here is a passage that gives me hope and encouragement written by Paul in Romans and a quote from Brennan Manning in Ruthless Trust:

"No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:37-39

“God loves us just as we are, not as we should be. There is nothing we can do to increase his love for us and nothing to diminish it.”

Brennan Manning

 

It is through God’s unfathomable love for me that I find joy this week.

Trusting can be hard

Take yourself back to your first year of college….once there, imagine yourself as you prepared and took your first test. Are you there? Maybe you cannot recall your first test or maybe the whole experience is lumped into ‘one’ memory. Imagine…. that there is no ‘study guide’ for the test, and you study EVERYTHING you think you will possibly need to recall. You trust in your studying abilities and are confident in taking the test. Alarmingly, as you sit down and look at the test in your hard wood seat, it is nothing like you had expected. NOTHING you studied is on the test. What is wrong with this professor?!

I am sure you can relate to this shocked student in some way, shape, or form. This experience parallels with my last appointment, as it was not what I expected. In the moment I was unhappy, frustrated, doubtful, and sad. It was like the invisible balloon that I carried into the office with me had been popped and deflated. I trusted my body was ‘good to go.’ I guess it would be fair to say I was angry with God. Thankfully, in the past few days He has surrounded me with the right people, words, and music to help “steady my heart.” This phrase comes from the song I have been playing on repeat in my car:

Steady my Heart by: Kari Jobe

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart [x2]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0ip40j82ws

The lyrics that speak to me the most are the ones that talk about trusting, not worrying, and knowing that God has me in the palm of His hand. Envisioning myself in someone’s palm seems unrealistic; however when I think about myself in the palm of God’s hand – somehow it feels reassuring and comforting.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

With the timing of everything, I have found joy in returning to some ‘structure’ as I started back with meetings this week, and have students tomorrow. I am trusting that God will guide me to instruct and relate well to students, staff, and parents this school year. It is my hope that students have a positive experience in the classroom and feel prepared for any sort of ‘test’ that comes their way – I certainly do not want them to have an experience like the college student described above!

Perseverance Like…

Ah, the Olympics: LOVE. Watching the entirety of the games brings me pure joy! No matter what the event is, the athletes endured hours upon hours, and years upon years of training. Through the highs and lows of their training, all of their eyes were fixed on a shared goal: earning the chance to compete at the Olympics in London. To take it a step further, their ultimate vision is to earn a gold medal. I can relate to the athletes on two different levels. One, being a former athlete, I know the blood, sweat, and tears poured into a sport for the common goal of succeeding on the court, field, or track. Two, being in the trenches of wanting a child, we are so fixed on the end result of wanting a child that we have also poured out blood, sweat, and tears along the way. In light of the Olympic athletes and our current state of perseverance I have been reminded of a passage in Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

                Okay, hold onto that passage for a moment……the past week and a half my mind has been flooded with thoughts of perseverance and endurance. These internal discussions were prompted from the Beth Moore study I am doing in James. If you ever have a chance to pick up one of her studies, do it! She is very impactful. This past week she had us read James chapter five. Give it a look if you have a minute. Here are the two verses that spoke to me the most:

¹⁰ Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. ¹¹ As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.        

James 5:10-11

                Wow. First of all, if you are unfamiliar with Job’s life, I would recommend reading about it at some point in time: very humbling. Basically, EVERYTHING was taken from Job and he still decided to trust and honor God in all that he did. Job persevered through the hardship of losing his wife, his children, his extended family, his home, and his livestock. He did not lose sight of God’s faithfulness and goodness. Job is my new favorite bible character.

                Thanks for holding onto the Hebrews passage from up above. Do you see why I chose it? What race are you currently running? Who am I to sit down here on earth and question the meaning behind persevering for a child? Look at the example provided in the passage: JESUS. He not only endured the cross for our sins, he JOYFULLY did this.

                In pursuit of joy this week I have found a new meaning to perseverance. Recalling the attitude of Job and Jesus are helpful reminders that I too, can persevere. And like it says at the end of James 5:11, the Lord is full of compassion: he has my ‘good’ in mind at all times. And finally, I would like to leave you with a profound quote from Beth Moore’s lesson about James 5:10-11,

 “God knows how everything will turn out. And, for every single person who belongs to Him, it turns out well. We are not the exceptions.”