Changes

When I truly stop and reflect on my life up until this point, specifically my life when trying to have a child/ren, that portion seems just like yesterday. This past week was especially near and dear to my heart as it was National Infertility Awareness Week. My heart goes out to anyone who is undergoing the struggle of infertility. If this is you, please know that you are not alone. I thought it was

uncommon for people to have infertility problems until I was one of the statistics. Once I was a part of it – I realized that MANY people struggle to have a child. The journey to parenthood was certainly a season of growth in my life. I am thankful for the extra time Cole and I had together and time we had to grow closer to the Lord. In the end, I will always be a ‘statistic’ in the struggle with infertility, however, I am beyond grateful for the blessings of life that God granted us in our twin girls.

On the flip side of struggling to have a child – the Lord once again left me speechless when I became pregnant in October without any sort of medical intervention. My first thought was, ‘Wow, that happened fast.’ My second thought was, ‘Oh my word – the baby and girls are going to be very close in age!’ My third thought was, ‘Praise the Lord for blessing us so quickly and thank you for showing us once again the work of Your mighty hand.’

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21

I realize a Praise to the Lord should have been my first thought! I was truly speechless and in awe of the timing, especially with my track record of over five years trying to have the girls. Carrying this baby has been different in many ways than carrying twins. First of all, since the girls happily expanded my uterus – it feels as if this little boy has all the room in the world to MOVE ALL OF THE TIME. The second and most obvious difference is that this time around I am pregnant while taking care of toddlers. It never dawned on me how much I squat/bend down to pick up a child, a toy, a thrown sippy cup, dirty clothes, dirty diapers, and on and on. All of these simple day to day tasks have become more noticeable to me the larger I have gotten! I am not naïve to think that life will be ‘easy’ with a newborn and two toddlers. I know that there will be many adjustments for all five of us to make. I cannot wait to meet this little guy and to see the look on Grace’s face and Kalei’s face when they get to hold their baby brother.

Miss Grace and Miss Kalei; oh, how they have captured my heart. It is hard to believe that they are nearly two years old.

Some of their high lights at 23 months old include:

-          Sleeping in their own big girl day beds. For the first week nap time to them was code for ‘play time.’

-          They shout out ‘potty’ and are practicing going potty in their big girl potty chairs. They are not potty trained yet – in my dream world this will happen before baby arrives.

-          Pumped about their new play set that Daddy built them just today!

-          Loving to play at the park. One would think they would like going down the slide the best. One of their favorite things to do besides swing is to climb up and down the stairs.

-          Singing. I love that they like to sing. Their favorites are ‘Happy Birthday,’ ‘Tomorrow,’ and ‘Let it Go.’

-          Dancing. They will bust a move to music playing; however, they have gotten very picky about what song is on. Grace’s typical line is, ‘New one.’ Meaning she insists on a new song!

-          Merry Go Round and Horsey. They love spinning around and bouncing up and down. No one plays these games better than Daddy. 

-     Trips to the library to pick out new books and sit in the reading house, of course.

-          Taking care of their baby dolls and dressing up with their purses, necklaces, and bracelets.  

-          Starting to have an opinion about what clothes they have on – already! They truly are girls.

-          Repeating. They have been putting sentences together and repeat nearly anything we say – which could interesting!

Even though they are not quite two yet - I have seen plenty of glimpses of ‘two year old behavior,’ so that part of it is not hard to believe. What keeps coming back to me are the lines I have heard from many a parent, ‘It goes so fast!’ Or, ‘Don’t blink – they will be in school!’ I just want them to be little for as long as they can. I want them to run to me because ‘Mommy makes all things better.’ I want them to snuggle for as long as possible. I want them to ask Mommy to read them books. Although many things will change in the next few months, the little girls that Grace and Kalei are becoming will always be my little babies.

Reflect

Christmas is a great time to reflect upon the blessings bestowed upon us. This year there certainly are not a shortage of blessings to be thankful for.

Grace and Kalei continue to light up our world day by day. I asked Cole what a few of his high lights were for the year and he simply said that each day is a high light – and he is right. As many of you know, children grow up way too fast and change by leaps and bounds daily. It has been delightful to watch them progress from babies to toddlers. It kills us not to call them babies anymore – but at heart, they will always be our babies! Lately we have noticed that Grace and Kalie repeat just about everything we say – or at least try to. They play together well, with a few token arguments here and there. They also have learned how to give hugs and kisses. It warms our hearts to see them initiate a hug with each other! They love reading books, especially anything with Elmo in it. In the basement they love their new slide and tunnel, and playing with their baby dolls. Their new game is saying, '1, 2, 3, Go' before running or zooming down the slide! At night time they get a kick out of running in their ‘unnies,’ or diapers, until bath time. This is when the silliness and giggles really come out!

 

Cole is in his eighth year of teaching PE at Indian Hills Jr. High in West Des Moines. The stories he brings home continue to bring humor to my day. He also enjoys coaching 8th grade boys and girls basketball in the winter and 10th grade baseball in the summer. He is an avid Iowa Hawkeye fan, and eagerly has shown his love for the Hawks with the girls. When they see football on TV they get excited and say, "Hawkeyes!"

I continue to stay home with the girls and am loving my new full time position as Mommy. I enjoy subbing once and awhile where I get a quick ‘fix’ of my former life as a teacher. It is a good reminder of what I will see when I re-enter the field down the road. I am also watching my friend, Emily's son this school year. Calvin has brought much joy and fun to our days playing together. The girls giggle with excitement when they get to be with ‘Cawvin and Emmy.’

Another blessing we are eagerly awaiting is the birth of our third child in June; we are thrilled! It is amazing to see God’s hand in our family’s growth. Prior to conceiving, I had my doubts about my body being able to produce a baby with zero assistance – God showed me! The girls will turn two May 22 and the baby’s due date is June 17. It will be fun to see the girls interact with their new brother or sister.

Lord, you are my God;
    I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
    you have done wonderful things,
    things planned long ago.  – Isaiah 25:1

It is comforting to know that The Lord planned all of these wonderful blessings for us long ago, and that He still smiles when they come to fruition in the present time. It is at Christmas that we reflect upon God’s ultimate blessing to us: His son, Jesus.

She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins. Matthew 1:21

May you and yours have a happy and joy filled Christmas!

Love,

Cole, Chelsey, Grace, Kalei, and Baby

A Mother’s Love

In the past I used to get upset on Mother’s Day, because I was not a mother...yet. Today is the first Mother's Day I get to celebrate with Grace and Kalei! 

I thank The Lord for these children and the blessings they have been to my life. I never knew I could love a little person so much - until I became a mother. It is through the experience of being a mom that I have an even greater love and appreciation for my mom.

A Tribute to Mom,

I giggled in excitement each time I would feel the girls’ kick inside of me - you were just as delighted when I squirmed around inside of you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 119:13

Hearing the girls’ first cries warmed my heart to know they were really here - you also cried tears of joy when I was born.

The instant love I had for the girls - I now understand the unconditional love you had for me from the start.

Waking up at 2:00 AM to crying babies - I know how you selflessly took care of me no matter what the hour was.

Changing diaper, after diaper, after diaper – I imagine you did this with a smile:)

Preparing meals and feeding babies - I remember you always nourished me with good food (you gotta eat:).

The love that I have for Grace and Kalei is like nothing I have ever felt before; it makes me joyful inside and out - this is the kind of love I now realize you have always had for me.

Telling you thank you for everything you selflessly do for me is different now, because I truly understand the kind of selfless love a mother has for her child/ren. It is the closest kind of love I can comprehend as to how much our Father in heaven loves us.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:9-10

Thank you for loving me and for showing me how to love. The light of Jesus shines through you brightly! 

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

I love you Mom!!

A New Role

What role are you most comfortable in? Are you a business person? A teacher? An artist? A doctor or nurse? Perhaps you are gifted in many different roles. I have always gravitated towards roles that involve people. For example, I have been a teacher, coach, and counselor thus far in my life. A new role I am learning is being a mother.

Two questions that I often get asked are, “Do you like staying at home?” And, “Do you miss teaching?” The answer to both questions is, “yes.” I absolutely love every second of getting to be with Grace and Kalei; on the flip side, I do miss the interaction with middle school students and adults. I have realized that I am still a teacher; but now my subject matter is feeding babies, changing diapers, napping, playtime, reading time, tummy time, rolling time, sitting time, standing time, bouncing time, and of course, dancing time.

My lesson plans now consist of preparing healthy meals for the girls (and Cole and me), networking with other children who are Grace and Kalei’s age, and organizing my ‘to do list’ in hopes of getting lots accomplished while they are napping! I am grateful for the precious gift of time that I have been given to be with the girls. I am equally grateful for the sacrifices our parents make to come watch the girls so I can get my middle school student and adult interaction ‘fix’ while substitute teachingJ

 A song that sums up my new mommy role, or any role that I am in, is called Let Them See You. My relationship with The Lord is the most important ingredient in my life; and my prayer is that Grace and Kalei would see the love of The Lord through the way that I love them. Ultimately, that is the greatest gift we can give anyone.

 1 John 4:7-12

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

 Colossians 2:6-7

⁶ So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, ⁷ rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Let Them See You by JJ Weeks Band

Take away the melodies
Take away the songs I sing
Take away all the lights
And all the songs You let me write
Does the man I am today
Say the words You need to say?

Let them see You in me
Let them hear You when I speak
Let them feel You when I sing
Let them see You
Just let them see You in me

Who am I without Your grace?
Another smile, another face
Another breath, a grain of sand
Passing quickly through Your hand
I give my life, an offering
Take it all, take everything

Let them see You in me
Let them hear You when I speak
Let them feel You when I sing
Let them see You
Just let them see You in me

With every breath I breathe
I sing a simple melody
But I pray they'll hear more than a song
In me, in me

Let them see You in me
Let them hear You when I speak
Let them feel You when I sing
Let them see You

Let them see You in me
Let them hear You when I speak
Let them feel You when I sing
Let them see You
Just let them see You in me
Just let them see You in me
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOg-1JjAdGk

Adoration

What is your favorite Christmas song? This time of the year I have Christmas music on all day long. It brings me comfort listening to songs that bring all the attention onto the Christ child, Jesus. The song that stands out to me the most in my current walk of life is O Come All Ye Faithful.  

O Come All Ye Faithful

O come all ye faithful joyful and triumphant
Oh come ye O come ye to Bethlehem;
come and behold him born the King of angels;
O come let us adore him Christ the Lord.

God of God light of light
Lo he not the virgin's womb;
Very God begotten not created:
O come let us adore him Christ The Lord.

Sing choirs of angels sing in exultation
Sing all ye citizens of heaven above;
Glory to God in the highest:
O come, let us adore him, Christ The Lord

See how the shepherds summoned to his cradle,
leaving their flocks, draw nigh with lowly fear
we too will thither hend our joyful footsteps;
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord.

Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to thee be glory given;
word of the Father, now in flesh appearing:
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord

My favorite part of the song is the chorus, “O come let us adore him Christ The Lord.” I never really gave much thought into adoring someone or something until having children. Now that I can look into the eyes of our own babies, I have a glimpse into what Mary and Joseph must have felt when they gazed into the eyes of baby Jesus that starry night in Bethlehem.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. Luke 2: 6-7

Luke does not mention Mary and Joseph hugging and kissing their newborn; but, I am sure they snuggled their new baby and adored him to pieces. What a beautiful feeling – to hold a new born baby! I can vividly remember holding Grace and Kalei for the first time just like it was yesterday.  

According to Merriam Webster, the number one meaning of adore is “to worship and honor as a deity.” I adore Jesus because He is my King, my Savior, and my Lord. Without Him, I would not be alive. Without Him, I would not have Grace and Kalei to gaze and smile at. WITH Jesus there is so much to celebrate.

This Christmas I celebrate the gift of life: especially in the form of two squirmy, smiley, and snuggly little girls. We are so grateful that God orchestrated our lives to welcome Grace and Kalei into the world.

                              

Amidst the craziness of the holiday season I hope you are able to find time to stop and adore the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!

With love,

Cole, Chelsey, Grace, & Kalei

Worth the Wait

 

 

               What is it in your life that you have been waiting in expectation of? Is it a new job? Is it a new home? A spouse? A season in your life to pass? According to Merriam Webster, to wait means ‘to stay in place in expectation of.’

                Waiting has looked vastly different for me as I have grown up. When I was young I eagerly awaited Mom’s chocolate chip cookies to come out of the oven; and I would not sleep the night before going to Adventureland! As a teenager I anxiously awaited getting my driver’s license. In college I expected to meet my husband (and thankfully did!). As a married woman I was excited to try to have children. In all of my life scenarios – my waiting has been unique.

                For me, the expectation of having a child can best be described as climbing up a steep roller coaster and not knowing what is on the other side. I am coming up on the five year anniversary of when our quest to have children originally started. The car of the roller coaster we have been on has been climbing, and climbing, and climbing -  - - - until finally, on May 22, 2013, our car peaked at the top of the track and began descending on a ride we would never forget!

                No one can honestly prepare you for what you will experience once you start descending at the peak of a roller coaster – you have to live it out to appreciate ‘the drop.’ The drop is the best part! And so it goes as a new mommy to Grace and Kalei. I eagerly waited the day the C section would take place at 9:00 A.M. All of the prayers,  happy tears, sad tears, frustrating moments, and difficult conversations were ALL worth it when we heard the cry of our first born, Grace Marie.

 

Tears of joy trickled down my face. Sixty seconds later, Kalei Leena arrived, and the happy tears just kept on rolling.

 

About thirty minutes later I was back in my hospital room HOLDING these precious miracles. It was then, in that moment, that I recognized the meaning behind God’s timing. He wanted us to FULLY appreciate His goodness and His blessings to us –in His time.

  

In my season of expectation of waiting to be pregnant and then waiting to have the twins - a  song that I went to often on my ipod was On and On by Chasen. My favorite lyrics, and the ones that still get me every time are, “But you’re right when you say that you set the time for the plans you make; That in your perfect time your plans and your ways will unfold.”

On and On by Chasen

Awake tonight, I'm breathing the air of the night sky
Listening and wanting an answer to questions you're wondering
I never thought it would ever be possible
To cross the lines we drew that govern what we say and do
But no height and no depth could separate us
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/chasen-on-and-on-lyrics.html ]
Some say we need a miracle, some say there's no hope at all
But I know that Your love is strong, it goes on and on and on and on
Rise up when it gets us down, it'll be the voice in a blaring crowd
'Cause we know Your love will lead us home
It goes on and on and on and on

I tried my way, it always ends up being a mistake
But You're right when You say
That You set the time for the plans You make
I never thought that I could ever learn to let it go
Somehow it's better when I follow in the paths You show
So I'm here I'm waiting cause I believe

There is no fear of belief
There's just this cold reality
That wants to take me away from You
There is no doubt in my mind
That in Your perfect time
Your plans and Your ways will unfold

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqh9sHTXcAI

 Along with the song, one of my go to verses that encourages me daily is, Psalm 37:4, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Whatever it is that you are desiring or waiting for, I pray that you will have the perseverance to climb the roller coaster to the top. It just may be worth waiting for. 

 

                                     

*Pay special attention to what is written on their onesies:)

365 Days

When you see ‘365 days’ what comes to mind? Possibly the countdown from one birthday to another; a countdown between an annual family vacation; or it may be the amount of days before you get your promotion.

 

When I think of 365 days it reminds me of the 180 degree turn I have taken in the past year. It was literally a year ago at this time that I miscarried our third child. If you have ever been around me (before being pregnant), you know that I am not overly emotional. Well, I can honestly say that a year ago at this time was the saddest, lowest time in my life. I did not understand why God would grant us a child and then take him/her away from us so quickly. Nothing could replace the child that was/is ours and nothing could make me feel better. Or so I thought. I am confident that the people God placed in my life carried me through that difficult time. The verses I read and the friends and family who surrounded me gave me a glimmer of hope; a hope in God’s promises and His faithfulness. It was that glimmer of hope that gave me the strength to keep carrying on and trusting His timing.

 

I don’t tell you that to make you feel bad or feel sorry for me. I tell you that with an authentic heart, because I know many of you have gone through a similar situation; whether it is the loss of a job, house, spouse, friend, etc. All losses require a special level of trust and understanding. The loss we endured last spring led us to the greatest blessing we have been granted thus far: two growing girls inside of meJ

 

There is a song that I have heard numerous times that triggers my emotions whenever it rings in my ears: Blessings, by Laura Story. It dawned on me recently that the meaning behind this song fits into our four year fertility journey.

 

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

I thought he was ‘punishing’ us by not giving us what we wanted. In reality, His LOVE is all I needed.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

According to dictionary.com, the definition of mercy is an act of kindness, compassion, or favor. Even though it was painful and frustrating to go through the ‘trial of waiting’ he has shown us compassion and favor by blessing us with growing twins!

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

 

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Clinging to His word and those around me helped me realize that I would one day be a mommy.

Psalm 36: 5 Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

Realizing daily that this life and all the joys and struggles that go along with it are merely a blink of the eye – compared to what awaits forever in eternity with our King.

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

 

So what does your ‘365 days’ look like? What trial or blessing are you living in right now? Have you been shown mercy? In 365 days the Lord took my shaken, scared, and doubtful heart and turned it into a heart of pure joy. Wherever you are today I pray that you can find hope in God’s faithfulness.  

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as a shield.

 

 

Updated photo of one week of growth! Week 28 to week 29! Truly blessed.