Trusting can be hard

Take yourself back to your first year of college….once there, imagine yourself as you prepared and took your first test. Are you there? Maybe you cannot recall your first test or maybe the whole experience is lumped into ‘one’ memory. Imagine…. that there is no ‘study guide’ for the test, and you study EVERYTHING you think you will possibly need to recall. You trust in your studying abilities and are confident in taking the test. Alarmingly, as you sit down and look at the test in your hard wood seat, it is nothing like you had expected. NOTHING you studied is on the test. What is wrong with this professor?!

I am sure you can relate to this shocked student in some way, shape, or form. This experience parallels with my last appointment, as it was not what I expected. In the moment I was unhappy, frustrated, doubtful, and sad. It was like the invisible balloon that I carried into the office with me had been popped and deflated. I trusted my body was ‘good to go.’ I guess it would be fair to say I was angry with God. Thankfully, in the past few days He has surrounded me with the right people, words, and music to help “steady my heart.” This phrase comes from the song I have been playing on repeat in my car:

Steady my Heart by: Kari Jobe

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart [x2]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0ip40j82ws

The lyrics that speak to me the most are the ones that talk about trusting, not worrying, and knowing that God has me in the palm of His hand. Envisioning myself in someone’s palm seems unrealistic; however when I think about myself in the palm of God’s hand – somehow it feels reassuring and comforting.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

With the timing of everything, I have found joy in returning to some ‘structure’ as I started back with meetings this week, and have students tomorrow. I am trusting that God will guide me to instruct and relate well to students, staff, and parents this school year. It is my hope that students have a positive experience in the classroom and feel prepared for any sort of ‘test’ that comes their way – I certainly do not want them to have an experience like the college student described above!