Are
you a planner? Do you like to have things organized? Do you like to get your
way? Do you often have the best ideas EVER? Well, my answer is yes to all four
of these questions. I am a person who operates best when I have a plan for the
day, for a lesson, for a vacation, for exercising, for shopping, etc. I like it
when I am organized and have things in their place. I like to get my way, and
as Cole likes to tell me, ‘not everything is always going to go your way Chels.’
I often smile and say, ‘but I can do my best to make it happenJ’ Many times I think that my ideas are grand and
awesome. For example, I thought it was a great idea to buy our Buick ‘Supercharged’
Regal……and now all it does is cause us problems!
In
alignment with our current desire to have a child, I thought that when we
decided to start ‘trying’ in September of 2008 that it would go according to ‘my
pre-set plan.’ I thought that God would answer our prayers and we would have a
child within six months to a year. Oh, was I ever wrong. After a year of trying
and not having any success, we knew that this may be a challenging journey. So,
the next idea was to try some holistic treatments. This was very helpful for my
overall health and in preparing my body to have a baby. We continued along this
path, until January 2012 when we had reached the point of wanting a different
form of assistance in our hope for a child. So, here in lays our current
journey of taking fertility medication. There have been stop signs, yield
signs, detours signs, and do not enter signs along this journey. I am not
opposed to medical intervention to assist me in getting pregnant, but I honestly
never wanted to get to this point. In my little ‘Chelsey world’ fertility
medication and treatments were not a part of my ‘pre-set plan.’ So, you can
imagine my disappointment when my/our bodies would not cooperate within my ‘plan.’
Within the past four months, I have really been drawn to this passage that
Isaiah wrote:
“For my thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,” declares the Lord. “As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
You
see, all along the best plan was how I thought
our fertility journey should be/look like. I rarely stopped to ask God what He
truly wanted our journey to look like. Through reading scripture, prayer, and
fellowship with friends and family, I have come to realize that God’s ways and
thoughts are ALWAYS going to be
better than my ways and my thoughts. This passage has been comforting as we
walk this journey and so badly want God’s thoughts to align with our immediate
thoughts down here on earth.
As
I was driving home last night the song, “If You Want Me To,” by Ginny Owens
came on the radio. I was quickly immersed in the lyrics of the song. I bolded
the lyrics that especially spoke to me in her song. What a great reminder that even
though the path He has chosen for me may not be the one I would have chosen, I
can still cling to Him in the valley or the peak of the mountain.
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to
'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to
'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
And
finally, here is a picture we took when we visited Estes Park in Colorado back
in September of 2009. It is a great reminder to me that down below in the valley
is a rainbow. Seeing rainbows in the sky bring an instant smile to my face. Seeing
this picture assures me that God’s plan is perfect and that there will be a
rainbow while we are on this journey – we simply have to look for it.
